yay!  i know, i know… but i bent to peer pressure and tinkered around with html.  once i figure out how to put it over there —>

you can take it, copy it, and paste it in your own blog.  can you stand it?

quick update:  madeline adjusted quite well to being home… she fell asleep fast and hard… and because she was in such a deep sleep, her sats weren’t where i’d like them to be.  because of her pulmonary hypertension diagnosis (and even though it’s gone away, it apparently can come back) she needs to keep her oxygen saturations above 93%.  i gave her a half hour once she fell asleep to get that number up, but it was hovering around 91 or 92… i couldn’t chance it.  so i put a nasal cannula on her with 1/2 liter (and sometimes just a 1/4 liter) and her numbers were back at 96 or so. 

*now* her and molly look exactly alike.  i still can’t believe it… i have twins!

good luck out there with earl this afternoon/evening… it should be interesting around here (and i will be wearing my crash helmet)  i knew we should have taken down those big trees.

it happened!  madeline is resting comfortably and there isn’t a blip on the radar (keep fingers crossed!)  it was fairly uneventful although she wasn’t happy to see people in those yellow gowns.  thanks for your thoughts and prayers.  we’ll be here until thursday… there’s dairy queen nearby.  could i entice anyone for a visit?

madeline’s decannulation

after decannulation

what a trooper!

… yes, i can take my own blood pressure

oh, by the way… i am ’soooo big’

i’m cute… and i know it

ok everyone… now’s the time to think of our ms. madeline as she heads into childrens on monday morning for our trial decannulation… hopefully. she’ll be in the operating room around 2:30p or so and after the procedure she’ll be in the icu for a couple of days. depending on what the doctor sees in her airway and whether he gives it the go-ahead, we may try for decannulation (that is an entirely too fancy of a word for ‘taking the trach out.’) … and then we’ll wait and see! i’m cautiously optimistic and we’re all waiting with bated breath (except you, madeline… you keep breathing) we should be in the hospital three days, maybe four… two if we don’t end up getting the trach out.

oof. back to little cans of diet ginger ale and saltines for lunch.

also! think of our ms. molly as she heads to a barium swallow study on tuesday afternoon at our local hospital where the girls were born (don’t ask… logistics are a nightmare!) she’s technically been ‘npo’ (i.e. unable to ‘technically’ eat anything by mouth) since april, so if she passes this is some form, we can get back to oral feedings, which would be fantastic.

so, think your positive thoughts and do your happy dance… we’ll need them this week!

oh boy… this is turning into micropreemie fashiontastic mommy!  not really…

so my amazing brother-in-law and his fiancee are getting married in two weeks.  guess what?  i have nothing to wear.

what else is new?  things that don’t fit in my closet are super cute, but don’t help as at this point i may need to sew two of the dresses together… and i have no idea how to use my sewing machine. don’t judge.

things that do fit… well, i’m not sure why i’ve kept them around as they’re from days gone by and are not anything i’d wear now anyway. 

ugh. ugh. ugh. i can’t stand it.  i can’t shop in the “normal” clothing section right now and am forced off into “woman’s world” (whatever the h-e-double hockey sticks that means)… plump lady hell would be the correct translation.  go into most stores that have a woman’s section and you’ll be bombarded with tunics that look like they’ve attacked by a leopard… and lost.  i just don’t care to attend a family function looking like dog-the-bounty-hunter’s wife, that’s all.

so these are what i’m finding… it’s an evening-ish reception under the stars (and under a tent).  flats will be key (as they last time i went to an outside wedding… well let’s just say you have 2 inch heels.  add three vodka tonics.  mix well until blended.  watch as hilarity ensues)

…and i don’t want to wear black.  an end-of-summer wedding on cape cod deserves more than that… oh, and i’d prefer to not be preoccupied with my flabtabulous arms all evening so i’ll have to wear a pashmina or small sweater.  what do you think?

so, i got to thinking the other night while i was wondering around my local walmart picking up paper towels and the like… seriously, i sometimes look *forward* to buying household supplies as an excuse to get out for awhile… in the seasonal aisle at the store all of the back to school supplies were being stocked.  how can that be?  wasn’t it just july 4th?  wasn’t the summer supposed to last forever?  i guess some parts of the country do literally go back to school at the beginning of august (we here in new england don’t go back until around labor day) but i guess that means parents can start planning ahead. 

i then saw a little girl with her mom and a “school supply list.”  we never had those as a kid, but just in passing, i noticed there had to be about 40 things on there!  the poor mom was going a bit insane… and then i noticed she had two other daughters with her!  wow… that’s a lot of school supplies!

as i was packing up the car, i started to think what my life will be like in a couple of years.  two school supply lists, two new backpacks, two new lunch boxes… two new “oh-i-must-have-that” wardrobes.  better start saving!  what about those kids whose parents can’t afford all of these supplies?  are those kids left in the dust without the fanciest graphing calculator?  i recently saw this story… what about those families… especially in this economy!

i was so glad, then, to find that i am honored to be one of 50 bloggers who had the opportunity to bag it forward this summer.

this is a great idea.  while you are shopping for your other items in the store or even your own supplies pick up a few extra for someone who can’t buy supplies for their children.  (just an aside, if you are looking to get the most for your donation, i have to say that walmart was a great place to start!  they had amazing back to school prices (hi, a notebook for 15 cents!  not kidding!) 

can’t get to the store right now?  well, there’s one thing you can do to make an impact right this minute (ok, and maybe tomorrow morning too if that works better) 

help elmer’s help adopt-a-classroom

helping classrooms in need this back to school season is as easy as 1 – 2 – 3

1.  write a post about this charity blog meme

2. send a virtual bag of school supplies to another blogger and challenge them to join the #bagitforward movement

3. link up your post at bagitforward.org

sweet!  elmer’s just donated $10 for your post to adopt-a-classroom!

ok, so here are the details of the program again:

elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to adopt-a-classroom with your participation. join now!

the elmer’s virtual bag it forward is charity blog meme, where bloggers can raise $10 per blog post for Adopt-A-Classroom (simply by writing a blog post and donating a virtual bag of school supplies), up to $10,000.

 you can give as many virtual bags as you want.  the elmer’s virtual bag it forward will officially begin at 12a est 7/22/10 and ends at 12p est 8/12/10.  the blog post link has to be submitted in the comment section below for your participation to be counted.

wait. what?  what do i do?  can you just give me something to copy and paste into my blog to make it easy?  why sure!  here you go… copy and paste the following text into your blog post:

elmer’s virtual bag it forward rules:

• copy and paste these rules into your blog post
• create a blog post giving a “virtual bag of school supplies” to other bloggers or write about your back to school shopping trip (or trip to pick out your latest sunglasses or socks or exercise equipment) 
• link back to the person who gave you a bag of school supplies
• let each person you are giving a virtual bag of school supplies know you have given them a bag
• leave your link in the elmer’s virtual bag it forward comment section. you can also find the official rules of this virtual #bagitforward program there.
• elmer’s is donating $10 for each blog participating in the virtual bag it forward donation to adopt-a-classroom (up to total of $10,000 for blog posts written by august 12, 2010).
• please note that only one blog post per blog url will count towards the donation.

i’m sending my virtual bag to caryanne at “about the small stuff” and am challenging her to #bagitforward with elmer’s!

i received a lovely comment from a fellow blogger after my last post here.  she too has twins and while we both are facing different struggles, the parental feelings and experiences are all too similar.

while i was checking out her blog, i came across this.  that post referred me to a lovely blog about a grandmother (and wonderful artist) that is trying to help raise money for her granddaughter, hailey.  hailey has cerebral palsy and many of the therapies that work for her are not covered under insurance (go figure… sheesh).

the woman’s name is janet harrold and she has a lovely website displaying her artwork.  turns out she is based in the boston area! 

i will be sending her a check with a picture of the girls and can’t wait to see the result!  if any of you would like to do the same, please check out her latest post on her blog.

don’t you just love the blogosphere?

july 17th… pretty much smack dab in the middle of summer… as a kid, i can’t say i remember july 17th.  summer had a whole different meaning back then and i swear each one lasted a lifetime.  sticky hands, lemonade, bug bites, grass stains and making up breakdancing shows in the yard.  (oh yeah, you love that last one… if only there were video of it now!)  each day was its own entity starting just as the cicadas got going and ending just as the street lights came on (or we went to bubbling brook for ice cream… whichever came first).

entering junior high school brought preteen angst and the anticipation of that school schedule.  who’d be on my team?  were my friends in my classes?  why do we have to read these books when all i want to read is tiger beat and kiss jordan knight posters?  i kept my hair permed faithfully, my braces got tighter and my pants shorter (i grew like a weed!)

high school brought the elusive summer job… summer was the time of hanging out, driving around town with nowhere to go (with about 15 people in the car… way before all this new legislation about junior drivers)  it was a quick summer, full of music and dance practices, rushing to get home before curfew.  i’d cherish those short days as a grocery store cashier and the long nights as a typical suburban teen and wish i never had to go back to classes again.

then college came… summer was a blur… a summer class to catch up here, an internship there… first job, then second, then five mile run… i did anything to pass the time quicker to get back to school.  i longed for the crisp fall mornings on campus, the windburnt lips after the football game, the whispered rumor of where the party was that evening.  naps until 7pm, leaving the dorm room at 11pm.

i still sometimes find myself referring to different parts of the year as semesters… do you?

july 17th 2004… pete and i got married!  we came to love this day for reflection on how far we’ve come and how far we’ve yet to go.  we used it as a time for relaxation for vacation.  2005 and 2006 were spent on mt. desert island and acadia, 2007 on maui and kauai.  2008 was spent a bit closer to home in the mountains of new hampshire and the shores of the cape.

we looked forward to 2009, our fifth year anniversary.  we thought greece, a hawaiian revisit, perhaps even to ireland to track down some long lost relatives… anywhere but home.  *but* the news of heartbeat a and heartbeat b forever changed that.

thinking back to last year at this time.  july *16*th was the day that madeline had her tracheostomy and gastronomy tube procedure. on july 17th i remember sitting in a private room in the nicu as madeline couldn’t tolerate the noise.  the whir of the ventilator, the whine of the suction, the dim light of the nicu bed.  i sat holding her tiny hand as they had her sedated and paralyzed… they had sutured the trach in place and couldn’t chance it moving.  i couldn’t even hold her.  the nurses assured me that all would be ok and that i should go out and get some dinner for our anniversary.  i felt like a horrible mom that day, thinking i could have any sort of happiness while my daughter lie helpless in a bed less than a mile away.

i complied and peter and i had a nice time.  it was great to be out and not home stewing or in the parent “sleep space” wandering the halls.  i rushed back to childrens the next morning and held her hand some more.

what a difference a year makes. july 17th 2010.  pete and my sixth year of wedded bliss.  madeline has been home over a month and seeing those two smiling little devils (i mean angels) smiling back at me makes everything worthwhile (even they are trying to swim in the toilet, swing from the lamps and dismantle the kitchen trash barrel each day)

we’ll go out to dinner tonight, relax and reflect.  i’ll then get to go home and kiss my girls tight into their snuggly cribs… and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

home sweet home… and they are getting along. more to come.

i’m really serious this time… shine up your harmonicas and dust off the kazoo… madeline is coming home june 14th!  we are so excited (and i am decidedly nervous)

more to come… but i’ve been away… more to come about that too…

g’night for now though.  i’m up waaay too late.