micropreemie mommy

my darling hubby and i have a different look on the world now… it’s no wonder.  as the walls of our tiny house encroach in on the toy box and organizer in the living room and our trusty little suv is creaking more than ever, we’re all about saving some funds and being happy with the “new to you” mentality.  hand-me-downs? yes! coupons? absolutely!  with this scrimping and saving, we’re (finally!) paying down most of our revolving debt… the student loans are forever going to stick to us like sap, so we’re doing the best we can with those, but we’re trying really, really hard to just get some down payment money for a new home next year (because, you know, the whole homeowner thing the past 6 years hasn’t been the *best* financial move ever) or our super-trusty escape(pronounced es-caaa-pay… much like target is really taaar-jjaay) bites the dust… which ever come first.

well, that was a long introduction just to say that i think our credit is getting better and we are now on some list somewhere… we get *more* junk mail and credit card offers than ever and i’m trying to figure out how to make them stop.  first, between the insurance “explanation of benefits” for the girls and bills for improperly billed medical issues (also for the girls) the last thing i need is more stuff coming in the mail.  we’re flattered, but our goal is $0 balance… and it helps that we have a little challenge going on over here that involves running, yelling and a bolicky husband… hey, it was his idea and it’s quite the incentive just to see the hill get a quick streak “a la ‘old school.’” you had best believe i’ll be out there with a lawn chair and some popcorn.

in addition to all of this stuff in the mailbox, i’ve gotten a few new catalogs.  i’m not really into catalogs and don’t think i’ve ever purchased anything directly out of one, but they are good for mindless perusing before bed…

so, i got one from boden the other day… and i am so in love with all of the stuff.  sort of defeating the purpose of the whole debt-paying-off thing.  just as well as *i couldn’t fit into a d-a-m-n thing if i used crisco.*  that’s also both an incentive and extremely disappointing.  someone said to me the other day, “oh don’t be so hard on yourself, you just had a baby.”  i’m fairly sure the girls are approaching the 20 month mark…

anyhow, i’m so loving the colors and styles at boden, including the women’s and baby things.  so stinkin’ cute!

micropreemie’s mommy first day of kindergarten outfit (ok, so i’ll just be dropping them off… and it’s about four years away, but still!) 

hey look, it’s my bottom half!  (ok, not really, but i’d dress like this everyday if i could… even if it is a lime green mini… love, love, love!)

ok, madeline and molly *need* all of these   oh, i’m so dramatic

dammit, you skinny people.  must. start. running. for real now…

sheesh, another week’s gone by and no post.  that doesn’t mean nothing’s going on though!  we are busy!

the farrell four has been busy doing the typical family thing…  and that is so nice to say!  the girls continue to adjust to one another and have become a bit better at acting as a team… good for them… not so great for mom and dad, particularly in the ‘mess in the living room’ part.  our house is a bit on the ‘cozy’ side (to put it nicely), so the living room has become somewhat of a play room (i.e. colorful plastic war zone) and picking up the mess each evening is not optional… if i step on another one of those arch crushers at night, i’ll scream!

we have a couple of big, big appointments and procedures ahead.  first, ms. madeline is going to be admitted at childrens at the end of august for the possibility of decanulation (equals ‘possibly taking her trach out!’)  i must admit i am so extremely nervous, but i guess that’s a bit normal for a mom that’s seen so much.  she’s still on a pretty good amount of oxygen, so we may be going to nasal cannula if the trach is removed.  i’m not really looking forward to two nasal cannulas being repeatedly taken off, but it’s going to open us up as a family to a whole lot more options.  day trips may happen…awesome.   i won’t be driving like a completely distracted lady…yay! 

as it is, i finally got fed up a couple of weeks ago and turned her seat around.  i know the rule is kids at least one year and at least twenty pounds… she meets those by a long shot, but the seatswe got are rated up to 35 lbs facing backwards… maybe for a typical kid, but not our girls.  i need to *see* them to make sure they’re ok. 

so, what’s up for the week:  (1) one pt appointment outside the home, (2) one developmental therapy appointment, (3) three other pt appointments, (4) two speech/feeding appointments… and a partridge in a pear tree.  i am *so* thankful we have great therapists and great nurses during the day who see them through those appointments.  i wish i could be there for every single one, but to be honest, the girls melt when i’m there, wanting me to pick them up… i *want* to pick them up, especially madeline, when she cries… it’s almost as if she’s been through much, i can’t stand to hear her crying. (and she is starting to really *know* that.  what a budding little actress she is!)

parting thought… i *need* to get back to regular, regular exercise… not three days on, 12 days off exercise.  i’m pretty annoyed at the way i feel right now (let’s just say i’ve been living with alfredo taste and a broccoli budget) and i have no one to blame but myself… i have to get out there.  i think i need some tough love. 

well… can i just say how thankful i am to be surrounded by such amazing (and eloquent!) people?  we have received so many wonderful thoughts and anecdotes and stories of preemie success since our article ran in the globe yesterday, i will admit it… i am officially overwhelmed (but in a good way).

the writer, bella english, captured our experience so wonderfully and i’m not sure i could have written it any better (wait, let me take that back… i *know* i couldn’t have)

things are good over with the farrell four and are so positive about our girls!

hi everyone!

for those just clicking over to this site, i thank you for taking a look… i started this blog to keep my friends and family informed throughout a lot of the process (although we did use a carepages at the very beginning)

if we can help one other family out there going through even a little bit of what we’ve gone through and provide them with some hope that others have gone through it and they can do it too, then i’m serving my purpose.  we had no idea how strong we could be.  feel free to reach out to me at any time!

here’s the article!

i’ll admit it.  i’m kind of a car girl… i like cars.  people would be aghast to know the thought of a minivan recently entered into my mind… at some point the chaos that is motherhood rendered me to enter the ‘function over form’ stage of life.  but alas, i/we don’t want a car payment.  we’re not at the financial stage where adding *anything* to the budget (ok, the occasional lip gloss or salad or overnight diapers (expensive but totally worth it!)) is in the cards, so alas, i get to keep my little silver bullet, my toyota camry solara.  darnit {wink}

my love affair with the camry solara began in 2003 with a commercial.  it actually doesn’t really stand out too much, other than i remember looking at it and saying, ‘ooh, i want one of those.’ … and the car was red.  of course, i had just finished grad school and had a new, fancy professional job… and was living in my parent’s basement.  yup, i had a good amount of disposable income… sooo, i went and bought one.  i financed the whole darn thing pretty much and drove it off the lot. 

since then i have loved it!  the nice curves, the sunroof, the quiet, fast ride… even the gas mileage has all been wonderful.  people are always asking me what kind of car it is and a gas station attendant even went so far as to ask me how much i wanted for it as he wanted to buy it for his girlfriend.  i feel confident in it, i feel safe.  it’s curvy enough to feel young and hip and girly, but it doesn’t dissuade my husband from driving it… although he does feel like it’s a ‘girl’ car.

toyota has gotten a bit of a bum rap lately and some would say rightfully so.  i personally never felt anything but safe in any toyotas i’ve driven in… and my family has a lot of them.  my brother drives a camry, my mom a highlander and my dad a tacoma.  we’ve found them pretty reliable and safe.

the only (one and only!) thing i’m a bit bummed about is the whole two-door thing… the big honkin’ carseats the girls are in make it a little difficult to maneuver and i’ve put them in our suv… although we did put the infant car seat in the back ofthe solara no problem.  if i could just make it a four door, well, then i’d be in perfect heaven.  well, that and always driving with michelins hitting the pavement!

until then, i’ll take my rides to target and the grocery store in style, sunroof open, music loud and stress out the window!

*i’m participating in a toyota/twittermoms campaign, which inspired this post. my opinions, thoughts and feelings are my own. as a twittermom, i’m eligible for a courtesy gift

well… two weeks down. it’s been amazing. i can’t imagine what it was like when she wasn’t here honestly. madeline loves being home and we’ve already seen so many positive changes in her. she was a happy kid before, but no she just beams… the respiratory therapist and interventionist/pulmonologist stopped by the house (i know! can you believe people still do that? they are amazing people) last week and took a look at madeline’s “setup.” (and there’s a lot of setup… it’s like being at space camp) they then checked her pressures around the trach and said she would be a great candidate for a speaking valve. this is basically a little cap that goes over the trach with a little spigot where the oxygen tubing attachs. she is able to breathe in through the trach, but then exhales out through her mouth and nose, enabling her to “speak.” … oh and how she has been speaking.  here’s a little sample of one of her concerts:

Madeline “speaking” 6/27/10

we’re treated to that (with a smile and a lot of arm waving) at least a couple of hours each day, ending with a three act “opera” just before bedtime. 

there’s so much going on here it’s hard to even remember it all.  i actually went into staples the other day and asked one of their peoples where i could find the biggest calendar they have…  and it’s really big… which is good… because there has been a couple of times over the past weeks that people have been knocking on the door for one reason or another and i can’t remember who they are or why they’re at my house. 

in order to keep things straight in my head i’ve started monitoring every last thing on that calendar… appointments made and cancelled, which nurse when, who pooped when (just madeline and molly thankfully…), where mommy and daddy are, what my name is…

i’ve had less than an adequate amount of sleep… part of that is nervousness (we started with night nursing when mad came home and i’m still a little wary about having a stranger sitting at the kitchen table when i go to sleep) and part of it is the following:  the farrell house recently became the ‘house of ick.’ (i will use ‘ick’ for boogers, snot, etc.)  let’s just say we’re full of it.  the girls sneeze and things fly.  we’ve gone through a bj’s size kleenex pack and i’m becoming fast friends with a eucalyptus nasal spray.  i was up with molly no less than 5 hours last night and 4 hours the night before.  did i mention i returned to work this week?  it’s been a challenge, but i think my brain is becoming rewired for less sleep and more action.  if only it could be rewired for more jogging and less chocolate.  oh well, one can dream.

we had a wonderful time at our march for babies this weekend on the cape cod canal.  it was a lovely day and we are so thankful to have such supportive family and friends.  there are a couple of pictures of the girls below (thanks kristen!)  ms. molly is clearly giving her attitude a bit of exercise in the picture, but she had a lot of fun!  madeline of course was enjoying the scenery and giving everyone a concert with her ‘la la la.’  thanks again to those who participated and donated.  we raised over $3,500!

micropreemie mommy is happy…

goodness gracious it’s been awhile since i’ve updated here.  i’ve been meaning to catch up a couple of times and i have a bunch of drafts hanging out there, but alas, none of them made it to final.  part of me hasn’t had much to say and part of me is so overwhelmed that i have *so* much to say, i’m exhausted just thinking about it… does that even make any sense?

we are getting down to the wire in bringing madeline home.  i can’t believe it.  no really… i’m so far removed from the early stages of motherhood, but yet i’m feeling all of those stages of nesting and things (but without the sleepless nights and big belly… guess maybe that’s a plus)

as madeline will have night nursing to start (and we live in such a mansion, ha!) we decided to make our former “front room” a bedroom for madeline.  that way she’ll be on the ground floor close to her equipment both day and night, the night nurse will be able to move about… and we *may* get a sliver of privacy.  i don’t know, the whole thing (having a stranger in the house at night) is plain weird but it’s the only way this is going to work… i *have* to sleep… judging from the time this is posting, you can tell i’m a bit of  a night owl to begin with … add on a baby at home with a trach (with concentrator and compressor… ah, white noise), another baby on a concentrator and feeding pump grinding and beeping away, a husband and his CPAP, a full time job… and a brain that doesn’t shut off… i need to have *some* peace of mind each night as i crawl into bed that someone will hear her ‘ding off’ if her sats are low. 

i’m confident that she’s going to do awesome and amazing when she gets to the home environment, but we all know that home will be different.  right now she sleeps through the night and on the mist and oxygen at the hospital, her secretions are stable enough through the night that she may only need suctioning once or twice… at home, things may need to be played with a bit so that she’s comfortable and happy.  it’ll be great to have the nurse there as they are supposed (that being the most important and operative word) to have experience with kids with trachs.  i hope to learn a lot from them.

i’m also thinking of going back to nursing school… i’m pretty sure i could sleep through most of the classes at this point. 

so, anyway, here is ms. madeline’s new digs.  we didn’t paint the walls (of what was supposed to be the dining room) as we are hoping to either have her back in the nursery (or MOVE!  hint, hint, dear hubby) as soon as she’s ready.  i think it’s cozy and charming.

the whole medical equipment thing… well, i guess it wasn’t in my dream picture of a nursery… in a way though, i’m delightfully calmed seeing some of the same things that help my baby in the hospital.  i actually relaxed quite a bit once the respiratory therapist came and help me set up all of the systems.

here’s the result… organized so far!

and much better than when they first showed up on friday night (and took over our kitchen!)

it’s all for this delicious ball of baby goodness and i couldn’t imagine being a happier and prouder mom ever.  she’s the strongest woman i know and she’s not even 2 yet.  keep your eye out for her in the future… she’s going to save the world.

…and not to be outdone… ms. molly deserves an update as well.  she’s officially grown out of most of her clothes, has finally moved on to the next size diapers and is starting to look more and more like mad.  she’s a little actve madwoman during the day and like to stay busy (just like her mommy)…

here she is multitasking… working on her puzzle and conversing with elmo

and, of course, molly is becoming quite the little fashionista, courtesy of auntie katelyn’s sunglasses…

we are having a terrific week over here at the farrells… nothing in particular, but no news is good news!  madeline continues to win hearts and kick butt.  we have a big team/family meeting tomorrow to discuss possible discharge dates for june, so keep your fingers crossed, your minds praying… and get your instrument tuned up for the coming-home parade. 

molly is starting to look more and more like her sister and getting bigger by the day.  we are still continuing her constant j-tube feedings and the results are becoming, um, noticeable (she takes after her mama, what can i say?)  the oxygen, the growth and the medication are what’s going to get her over this hump and of preemie-hood… and we are determined to do whatever we can to help make that happen.  (although i must say if she wakes up one more time with her cannula as a headband and her feeding tube in her mouth i may scream… kids will be kids!) 

i went to stride rite the other day to get her first pair of walking shoes… i still can’t believe she’s old enough to walk, but she’s letting us know otherwise and someone told me where to find the cute little shoes like i used to have as a kid… somehow i don’t think my parents paid $40 for mine though… i figure at $20 a shoe and about 3 months worth of wear before she grows out of them, that’s about $0.21 a day… per shoe.  start walking girrrrl.

we are approaching the six week mark until our ‘march for babies’ walk, which is held 6/27 down at the cape cod canal.  if you’re considering walking or making a donation, now would be an awesome time to do so… i’m not competitive or anything, but we’re in third place for fundraising…

here’s the email that was sent:

“Hello Cape Cod Canal MFB Team Captains!
The other 4 spring walks have already happened between Springfield and Boston, and I am excited to keep the momentum high as we look toward the Cape Cod Canal March for Babies!  Your event is about 6 weeks away, and now is the perfect time to start your fundraising if you haven’t done so yet.  J  From this point on, I’m going to be sending out bi-weekly updates for the Cape Cod Family Team Captains, which will include a list of the Top 5* Family Teams for the Cape Cod Canal MFB! 

Congrats to this week’s Top 5:

1)      Team Moore                                      $2135.50

2)      Picard Family                                     $919

3)      The Farrell Peanuts                        $705

4)      Team Saza                                           $680

5)      Madilyn’s Family & Friends        $610

As always, don’t hesitate to contact me directly with questions, etc.  Have a great day, and HAPPY FUNDRAISING!!!!!

Alison Graham

Family Team Specialist”

woohoo!  we are amazed at everyone’s generosity so far and continue to be so thankful for the support that everyone around us has provided us.  truly amazing.

on a lighter (and very fancy note)… my darling husband told me that we’re going out on thursday night and that i have to dress up.  do you know how exciting that it is?  does this mean i have to take off the old navy yoga pants?  does anyone know where i’m going? (he said it was a surprise)

…randomness… it happens when you think an awesome saturday night consists of pajamas, the couch, the laptop, on-demand, … and patiently awaiting betty white on snl.  i’m pretty excited…

today is day 502… madeline has been in the hospital for 502 days.  i still don’t believe it.

back in january, you may remember that i was on the martha stewart show.  it was *completely* random and a most interesting experience (the green room is actually a brown room and more like a fish bowl… a glorified conference room, if you will… although i will say that they had the most yummy fruit salad (hey, i’ve been trying to eat locally more to save money than anything and i was all about it) and the heaviest silverware)… *anyhow* i digress.  so i was reading this on another blog awhile ago and getting a kick out of it.  i wasn’t getting the martha magazine at the time (oh the horror) so i couldn’t really see what she was saying… i started to get the magazine (why i don’t know) last month and i had a good chuckle when it came in the mail this week… so, martha’s calendar…  it’s typically in the front couple of pages… and seriously, it’s hilarious.  june’s calendar features a today show appearance, plowing the meadow… and baling the hay… all on june 9th!  i mean… i’m a multi-tasker and all but sheesh.  c’mon.  i must admit i promptly closed that magazine.

molly is into e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.  she’s pulling to stand, she’s scooting and cruising, she’s eating the tiniest things off the floor (i don’t believe the doctor one bit when he says she’s far-sighted), she’s wanting to climb tall bookshelfs, she’s crawling around dragging all of her medical equipment behind her like a little quasimodo, she’s cutting her seventh and eighth tooth, her hair is growing to the point it’s getting curly…

this was molly last year on this day

as much as i’m a sucker for a reality re-run, reality programming really needs to stop.  it’s not reality if it has a producer.

people who actually make kid’s electronic toys should be forced to stay in a locked room with them for 24 hours (with it stuck ‘on’)… bet you’d think twice about the creepy man’s voice that says, ‘lleeeeeetttt’s explore’ four bajillion times

my tap dance recital (because, you know, in all my spare time i shuffle to buffalo) is june 19th… you’re cordially invited 

how can intervention on a&e tape people using drugs and not turn them in to the police?  isn’t that some sort of crime?  …and moreover, isn’t capitalizing on other people’s misery just plain wrong?  (same with hoarders… i know we’re all curious, but man oh man)

i’m dying to get the new baby jogger city select… it’s a dream… it’s a tandem, but not long and awkward, the seats can face forward or back (perfect for the girls and me being able to see them ripping off/out their various preemie medical fashion) and there is a big arse basket on the bottom.  yes, yes, yes.  love it!  need it!  want it!  better start saving for it!

when do you first buy baby’s real shoes?  i’m totally wanting those little white leather shoes that i used to have as a baby… but is that totally passe?  do they even make those anymore?

family guy, while very funny, went too far last sunday night.

i’ve started up weight watchers again.  i guess it involves a little more than joining… you actually have to follow the program.  who knew?  i’m happy to say there is three pounds less of amy this week… woo hoo!

we started some nursing hours (block nursing) here at the house for molly.  after her last hospital stay, she gained yet another medication and with all of the medical equipment, we qualified.  it’s pretty darn strange having someone in the house, but i’m hoping we’ll all get used to it and we can use it to our advantage for a learning experience… and maybe the occasional break.  we’ll see how it goes.

what is with those local news stations’ intros?  all that drama and duh-duh-duh and crazy graphics… please just read the news.  k, thanks.

next monday through wednesday i’ll be traveling to south and north carolina.  I’ll be going by myself, which is totally weird (and i’ll be pretty far away from the bambinas)… and i’m going for a bzzagent project.  no really.  i’ll tell you more about it when i can, but let’s just it’s cool and i’m pretty stoked.  more to come.

yes, indeed… under the three feet of water that fell from the sky this week in massachusetts, spring has sprung.  the forsythia is finally blooming and my crocuses (croci?) are so purple, they’d knock your socks off…

(don’t get too happy… molly’s not off oxygen… she just refuses to keep it on… she thinks it ’s the best game *ever*)

how can something be the earliest out of the ground and be so beautiful?  we have a nice weekend planned… being a holiday and all, we are somehow guilted into the “my parents/his parents” shuffle… with visits to the hospital as usual also.  it’s insane, really, but it’s supposed to be 75 degrees and sunny, so i’m not complaining.  i bought the girls the most adorable easter dresses from carters and plan on torturing them by making them sit still for 2.2 seconds to take a picture.  i’m just so looking forward to having the whole family outside again, sitting on our blanket and swinging on the swings. 

there’s a renewed sense of optimism that comes with spring.  i’ve actually been undergoing a little bit of a renewal this spring myself, thanks to my awesome friend kristen who nominated me for a makeover (yeah, i’m to that point… i’ll admit it.  i’m a hot momma mess (and not hot as in hot-hot… hot as in ‘damn what happened to you?’ hot)… and i won!  this week i went to get my hair did… and tomorrow i go back for more hair and makeup and a professional photographer.  no joke!  if you live in the boston area, keldara is an amazing place!  first, it’s huge.  i got lost going to the bathroom.  everyone is super friendly, and best of all, my hair looks like a million bucks.  it’s totally what i needed and i can’t wait to look all fancy tomorrow.  maybe i’ll have to go out on a night on the town!

i must admit i’m most excited about having the girls together though.  what a difference a year makes.  here are the girls in their preemie dresses last easter (their actual due date):

they were about 4 pounds each here…that’s molly on the left and madeline (with her usual, ‘what the heck are you doing?’ face… it starts early i guess)

this spring means we’re getting that much closer to getting madeline home with us.  i’m ecstatic.

well, here’s wishing you and yours a happy weekend, no matter what you celebrate!

hippity hop!