so, i got to thinking the other night while i was wondering around my local walmart picking up paper towels and the like… seriously, i sometimes look *forward* to buying household supplies as an excuse to get out for awhile… in the seasonal aisle at the store all of the back to school supplies were being stocked.  how can that be?  wasn’t it just july 4th?  wasn’t the summer supposed to last forever?  i guess some parts of the country do literally go back to school at the beginning of august (we here in new england don’t go back until around labor day) but i guess that means parents can start planning ahead. 

i then saw a little girl with her mom and a “school supply list.”  we never had those as a kid, but just in passing, i noticed there had to be about 40 things on there!  the poor mom was going a bit insane… and then i noticed she had two other daughters with her!  wow… that’s a lot of school supplies!

as i was packing up the car, i started to think what my life will be like in a couple of years.  two school supply lists, two new backpacks, two new lunch boxes… two new “oh-i-must-have-that” wardrobes.  better start saving!  what about those kids whose parents can’t afford all of these supplies?  are those kids left in the dust without the fanciest graphing calculator?  i recently saw this story… what about those families… especially in this economy!

i was so glad, then, to find that i am honored to be one of 50 bloggers who had the opportunity to bag it forward this summer.

this is a great idea.  while you are shopping for your other items in the store or even your own supplies pick up a few extra for someone who can’t buy supplies for their children.  (just an aside, if you are looking to get the most for your donation, i have to say that walmart was a great place to start!  they had amazing back to school prices (hi, a notebook for 15 cents!  not kidding!) 

can’t get to the store right now?  well, there’s one thing you can do to make an impact right this minute (ok, and maybe tomorrow morning too if that works better) 

help elmer’s help adopt-a-classroom

helping classrooms in need this back to school season is as easy as 1 – 2 – 3

1.  write a post about this charity blog meme

2. send a virtual bag of school supplies to another blogger and challenge them to join the #bagitforward movement

3. link up your post at bagitforward.org

sweet!  elmer’s just donated $10 for your post to adopt-a-classroom!

ok, so here are the details of the program again:

elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to adopt-a-classroom with your participation. join now!

the elmer’s virtual bag it forward is charity blog meme, where bloggers can raise $10 per blog post for Adopt-A-Classroom (simply by writing a blog post and donating a virtual bag of school supplies), up to $10,000.

 you can give as many virtual bags as you want.  the elmer’s virtual bag it forward will officially begin at 12a est 7/22/10 and ends at 12p est 8/12/10.  the blog post link has to be submitted in the comment section below for your participation to be counted.

wait. what?  what do i do?  can you just give me something to copy and paste into my blog to make it easy?  why sure!  here you go… copy and paste the following text into your blog post:

elmer’s virtual bag it forward rules:

• copy and paste these rules into your blog post
• create a blog post giving a “virtual bag of school supplies” to other bloggers or write about your back to school shopping trip (or trip to pick out your latest sunglasses or socks or exercise equipment) 
• link back to the person who gave you a bag of school supplies
• let each person you are giving a virtual bag of school supplies know you have given them a bag
• leave your link in the elmer’s virtual bag it forward comment section. you can also find the official rules of this virtual #bagitforward program there.
• elmer’s is donating $10 for each blog participating in the virtual bag it forward donation to adopt-a-classroom (up to total of $10,000 for blog posts written by august 12, 2010).
• please note that only one blog post per blog url will count towards the donation.

i’m sending my virtual bag to caryanne at “about the small stuff” and am challenging her to #bagitforward with elmer’s!

well… can i just say how thankful i am to be surrounded by such amazing (and eloquent!) people?  we have received so many wonderful thoughts and anecdotes and stories of preemie success since our article ran in the globe yesterday, i will admit it… i am officially overwhelmed (but in a good way).

the writer, bella english, captured our experience so wonderfully and i’m not sure i could have written it any better (wait, let me take that back… i *know* i couldn’t have)

things are good over with the farrell four and are so positive about our girls!

hi everyone!

for those just clicking over to this site, i thank you for taking a look… i started this blog to keep my friends and family informed throughout a lot of the process (although we did use a carepages at the very beginning)

if we can help one other family out there going through even a little bit of what we’ve gone through and provide them with some hope that others have gone through it and they can do it too, then i’m serving my purpose.  we had no idea how strong we could be.  feel free to reach out to me at any time!

here’s the article!

ooh, fun news! it is reported that we are going to be the front page story in the boston globe  tomorrow. neato!  stay tuned!

i received a lovely comment from a fellow blogger after my last post here.  she too has twins and while we both are facing different struggles, the parental feelings and experiences are all too similar.

while i was checking out her blog, i came across this.  that post referred me to a lovely blog about a grandmother (and wonderful artist) that is trying to help raise money for her granddaughter, hailey.  hailey has cerebral palsy and many of the therapies that work for her are not covered under insurance (go figure… sheesh).

the woman’s name is janet harrold and she has a lovely website displaying her artwork.  turns out she is based in the boston area! 

i will be sending her a check with a picture of the girls and can’t wait to see the result!  if any of you would like to do the same, please check out her latest post on her blog.

don’t you just love the blogosphere?

july 17th… pretty much smack dab in the middle of summer… as a kid, i can’t say i remember july 17th.  summer had a whole different meaning back then and i swear each one lasted a lifetime.  sticky hands, lemonade, bug bites, grass stains and making up breakdancing shows in the yard.  (oh yeah, you love that last one… if only there were video of it now!)  each day was its own entity starting just as the cicadas got going and ending just as the street lights came on (or we went to bubbling brook for ice cream… whichever came first).

entering junior high school brought preteen angst and the anticipation of that school schedule.  who’d be on my team?  were my friends in my classes?  why do we have to read these books when all i want to read is tiger beat and kiss jordan knight posters?  i kept my hair permed faithfully, my braces got tighter and my pants shorter (i grew like a weed!)

high school brought the elusive summer job… summer was the time of hanging out, driving around town with nowhere to go (with about 15 people in the car… way before all this new legislation about junior drivers)  it was a quick summer, full of music and dance practices, rushing to get home before curfew.  i’d cherish those short days as a grocery store cashier and the long nights as a typical suburban teen and wish i never had to go back to classes again.

then college came… summer was a blur… a summer class to catch up here, an internship there… first job, then second, then five mile run… i did anything to pass the time quicker to get back to school.  i longed for the crisp fall mornings on campus, the windburnt lips after the football game, the whispered rumor of where the party was that evening.  naps until 7pm, leaving the dorm room at 11pm.

i still sometimes find myself referring to different parts of the year as semesters… do you?

july 17th 2004… pete and i got married!  we came to love this day for reflection on how far we’ve come and how far we’ve yet to go.  we used it as a time for relaxation for vacation.  2005 and 2006 were spent on mt. desert island and acadia, 2007 on maui and kauai.  2008 was spent a bit closer to home in the mountains of new hampshire and the shores of the cape.

we looked forward to 2009, our fifth year anniversary.  we thought greece, a hawaiian revisit, perhaps even to ireland to track down some long lost relatives… anywhere but home.  *but* the news of heartbeat a and heartbeat b forever changed that.

thinking back to last year at this time.  july *16*th was the day that madeline had her tracheostomy and gastronomy tube procedure. on july 17th i remember sitting in a private room in the nicu as madeline couldn’t tolerate the noise.  the whir of the ventilator, the whine of the suction, the dim light of the nicu bed.  i sat holding her tiny hand as they had her sedated and paralyzed… they had sutured the trach in place and couldn’t chance it moving.  i couldn’t even hold her.  the nurses assured me that all would be ok and that i should go out and get some dinner for our anniversary.  i felt like a horrible mom that day, thinking i could have any sort of happiness while my daughter lie helpless in a bed less than a mile away.

i complied and peter and i had a nice time.  it was great to be out and not home stewing or in the parent “sleep space” wandering the halls.  i rushed back to childrens the next morning and held her hand some more.

what a difference a year makes. july 17th 2010.  pete and my sixth year of wedded bliss.  madeline has been home over a month and seeing those two smiling little devils (i mean angels) smiling back at me makes everything worthwhile (even they are trying to swim in the toilet, swing from the lamps and dismantle the kitchen trash barrel each day)

we’ll go out to dinner tonight, relax and reflect.  i’ll then get to go home and kiss my girls tight into their snuggly cribs… and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

oh yes, my friends.  my back decided to take a long, painful vacation last night… it actually started about two or three weeks ago, about 10 days after our little madeline came home.  as i’ve explained before (and i’m really not wanting to give her a complex, but…) lifting a 28 lb child off the floor (or out of a crib that’s down on the lowest rung) without getting a little ‘oomph’ from the little babe really does take a toll.

countless people have said, ‘oh, lift with your legs…’ or ‘make sure you squat…’  listen people, i KNOW!  it’s not as if i’m bending over with my knees straight and trying to do some ’strongwoman’ thing.  i’ve been trying to stretch it out, go for a walk to limber it up, even making a valiant attempt at shedding some of these needless (and countless) extra pounds.  i’m telling you, though… nothing can prepare you for 28.25 pounds of giggle, slippery delight being lifted out of the bathtub… nothing.

so, being typical me, over the course of the past week or so, i’ve been trying to pretend it’s not really happening.  i go to bed each night, fully believing it’ll be fine when i wake up in the morning, as if i’m still 17.  i’d been being careful, trying hard not to needlessly overwork it and yesterday during our walk, I could feel it was getting a bit better.

until… (dun, dun, dun)… i took a little trip to cvs last night to pick up a couple of things.  i knew i should’ve walked down there (considering it’s so close to the house i’m actually embarrassed to say i drove).  everything was fine until i got back in the car.  as i swung my left leg in and closed the door, my back seized up to the point where i couldn’t actually lift my right elbow off the armrest to start the car… so i just sat there… in the car… with my butt off the seat, my elbow on the armrest.  it was quite comedic, you know, if it weren’t for the searing pain.  i finally got a handle on it enough to start the car and was thankful that it was only two right turns home (as turning the steering wheel was so painful i could’ve cried).

long story short, this morning started with me working on my computer on the kitchen floor and a trip to the docs and is now concluding with 800 mg of ibuprofen, one (or perhaps two) tylenol with codeine… and a muscle relaxer for later, you know for dessert.

have i mentioned how much i love my husband?  (you out there?  wink wink)  i have to get a good word in considering i may be in drooly heaven this evening and not able to be on night ‘duty.’  shucks.

oh my goodness… a moment to myself!  before midnight!  well, this doesn’t happen often… we’ve had a crazy week over here at the farrell’s (per the usual) and i have to tell you, i think we could use a vacation.  to the backyard everyone!  yeah, that’s about as far as we’re going to get this year i fear, but hey, it’s honestly been my one wish since the beginning of this ordeal… to just have the whole farrell four hanging out on a blanket in the backyard.  did i expect the temperature to be hovering close to the weather in the devil’s playground though? well no.  we’re sort of captive behind the air conditioners at this point due to the girls’ lungs… and to be honest, the air conditioning isn’t that great for them either, but it’s the lesser of two evils.  case in point:  we just got back a little while ago from (what was supposed to be) a lovely walk at a nice oceanside park in our town.  it has lovely, smooth paths and is directly on the ocean… and the parking is free.  even better!  so, we had this wonderful idea about 8:30a this morning as we figured we’d capitalize on the cooler morning and started to get packed up… oh how i wish for the days when we can say, ‘ok, let’s go,’ and we can do just that… we’ll all just jump in the car and off we’ll go.

but, of course, that’s not the case right now… which is fine… but it is a bit wearing (and i must admit i think more than twice before going out anywhere)… here was our routine…

8:00am  decide to go for a walk in the park… woo hoo!

8:05am something smells… who is that?  disarm possible explosive situation

8:15am situation neutralized… sort of… time for a quick tubby

8:20am looking for hme (also called a “nose”… it’s a little piece of complicated plastic that fits over mad’s trach and keeps her airway humidified… and also protects her airway some from tubby splashes as direct waves into her trachea isn’t such a great idea).  find hme in toybox with drool all over it.  lovely. 

8:25am mommy’s back is thrown out… dead lifting a 28 pound wriggling bundle of joy without getting any “explosion” on her takes a bit of work… and her back has just about had it.  daddy takes over tubby time and mommy continues to get our excursion underway

8:30am hmm… everyone should probably have their medicine before they go… draw up 5mL, 3.4mL, 1mL of various meds for madeline… draw up 4mL, 2mL, 1.4mL of various meds for molly… draw up flushes for both… grab inhaler for molly, finally get wrenched back onto floor with molly, realize i’ve forgotten the little connector to get the medicines from the syringes to the feeding tubes… attempt ill-fated gymnastic move to get myself up without hurting back and whack head on floor… nice!

8:35am molly gets her medicines and tries to escape at every turn… mommy decides it’s time for some fun “stationary” time in the exersaucer… not the best parenting option, but if you really knew ms. molly, then you would know that she pulled out her j-tube (an aside:  thank you to the childrens hospital interventional radiology team who had to come in specially on *july 4th* to put our darling molly’s tube back in… i’m not kidding) *and* tried to crawl out the front door within about an hour of each other last weekend.  she’s definitely our little houdini.

8:40am  tubby complete and madeline’s medicines administered.  a little cream here, a little tape there, a trach collar and sponge change and a j-tube sponge change and we’re good!  madeline gets floor privileges and commences tearing apart the pile of toys on the floor while molly looks on, pointing and yelling her special “baby” commands.  i’m not sure what they say to each other, but they’ve caught on to their own little thing in three weeks flat… we are so in for it

8:45am get feeding pumps ready.  both girls are tube fed and require the bag to be changed every morning.  gather the two different formulas, prime pumps, hook ‘em up… beep beep beep… “no flow in”  what does that mean?  reprime madeline’s pump… works fine now!

8:55am beep beep beep… “no flow out?”  what?  what does that mean?  consult manual… still don’t understand… reprime again… seems to work ok now… there is a reason they sent an instructional dvd for these things.  guess i should watch it again.

9am refill portable lquid oxygen tanks.  this scares the living bejeezus out of the whole family (as it sounds like a rocket taking off each time)

9:10am madeline to the car with her belongings:  portable oxygen tank, feeding pump, suction machine, emergency trach kit, extra oxygen tubing, speaking valve… and extra diapers, wipes and outfits for unexpected previously referenced explosions.

9:15am molly to the car:  portable oxygen tank, feeding pump, diaper bag… she’s the easy one!

9:20am wait, mommy’s still in her pajamas.  quick change.  decide pajama shirt will have to do as the laundry has been washed and folded but not put away since madeline came home (and mommy and daddy’s room could possible qualify for one of those a&e shows right now)

9:30am on the road

9:40am stop for much needed breakfast-ish sustenance for mommy and daddy

9:50am hear gagging in the backseat.  stop car and jump out.  molly (aka “the easy one”) is throwing up all over herself.  lovely.  look for napkins, find a diaper in the glove compartment (mommy has been a bit tired lately).  molly throws up all over daddy.

9:51am molly smiles.  daddy gags.  we decide to press on. 

9:55am arrival at park.  daddy runs to the bathroom to rinse off.  mommy assembles stroller.  realizes she can’t bend over to put the big, back wheels on so just stands there… (i can be such a help, i know)

10 am molly is changed into an extra madeline outfit, which is three sizes too big.  she is not modest, so does not care that it is clearly falling off.  she seems happy as a clam.

10:05am everyone, including all supplies, machines and monitors are now in the stroller… the stroller now weighs 2,309 lbs (or it feels like it anyway).

10:10am mommy and daddy realize as they start their walk that the temperature may have risen 30 degrees since they decided to go for this walk… two hours ago…

10:15am – 10:35am mommy complains about back… daddy sings ‘row, row your boat’ 50 times to keep the girls from biting each other’s toes… girls repeatedly takes hats off… mommy puts them back on… mommy is sweating… mommy is out of shape… daddy says ‘let’s go!’  the farrell four reach the last bend… molly looks at us and in ‘exorcist’ fashion throws up all over herself… nice.  daddy catches some in the palm of his hand… extra nice… the farrell four are collectively deciding that it is too hot… mommy complains, daddy sweats, madeline yells and molly vomits.

10:40am we’re back in the car on the way home. our air conditioning oasis on the hill beckons.

10:45am home.  thank goodness.

all is quiet now with everyone (except mommy) taking a much-needed nap.  hey, at least we got out of the house, right? 

i’ll admit it.  i’m kind of a car girl… i like cars.  people would be aghast to know the thought of a minivan recently entered into my mind… at some point the chaos that is motherhood rendered me to enter the ‘function over form’ stage of life.  but alas, i/we don’t want a car payment.  we’re not at the financial stage where adding *anything* to the budget (ok, the occasional lip gloss or salad or overnight diapers (expensive but totally worth it!)) is in the cards, so alas, i get to keep my little silver bullet, my toyota camry solara.  darnit {wink}

my love affair with the camry solara began in 2003 with a commercial.  it actually doesn’t really stand out too much, other than i remember looking at it and saying, ‘ooh, i want one of those.’ … and the car was red.  of course, i had just finished grad school and had a new, fancy professional job… and was living in my parent’s basement.  yup, i had a good amount of disposable income… sooo, i went and bought one.  i financed the whole darn thing pretty much and drove it off the lot. 

since then i have loved it!  the nice curves, the sunroof, the quiet, fast ride… even the gas mileage has all been wonderful.  people are always asking me what kind of car it is and a gas station attendant even went so far as to ask me how much i wanted for it as he wanted to buy it for his girlfriend.  i feel confident in it, i feel safe.  it’s curvy enough to feel young and hip and girly, but it doesn’t dissuade my husband from driving it… although he does feel like it’s a ‘girl’ car.

toyota has gotten a bit of a bum rap lately and some would say rightfully so.  i personally never felt anything but safe in any toyotas i’ve driven in… and my family has a lot of them.  my brother drives a camry, my mom a highlander and my dad a tacoma.  we’ve found them pretty reliable and safe.

the only (one and only!) thing i’m a bit bummed about is the whole two-door thing… the big honkin’ carseats the girls are in make it a little difficult to maneuver and i’ve put them in our suv… although we did put the infant car seat in the back ofthe solara no problem.  if i could just make it a four door, well, then i’d be in perfect heaven.  well, that and always driving with michelins hitting the pavement!

until then, i’ll take my rides to target and the grocery store in style, sunroof open, music loud and stress out the window!

*i’m participating in a toyota/twittermoms campaign, which inspired this post. my opinions, thoughts and feelings are my own. as a twittermom, i’m eligible for a courtesy gift

well… two weeks down. it’s been amazing. i can’t imagine what it was like when she wasn’t here honestly. madeline loves being home and we’ve already seen so many positive changes in her. she was a happy kid before, but no she just beams… the respiratory therapist and interventionist/pulmonologist stopped by the house (i know! can you believe people still do that? they are amazing people) last week and took a look at madeline’s “setup.” (and there’s a lot of setup… it’s like being at space camp) they then checked her pressures around the trach and said she would be a great candidate for a speaking valve. this is basically a little cap that goes over the trach with a little spigot where the oxygen tubing attachs. she is able to breathe in through the trach, but then exhales out through her mouth and nose, enabling her to “speak.” … oh and how she has been speaking.  here’s a little sample of one of her concerts:

Madeline “speaking” 6/27/10

we’re treated to that (with a smile and a lot of arm waving) at least a couple of hours each day, ending with a three act “opera” just before bedtime. 

there’s so much going on here it’s hard to even remember it all.  i actually went into staples the other day and asked one of their peoples where i could find the biggest calendar they have…  and it’s really big… which is good… because there has been a couple of times over the past weeks that people have been knocking on the door for one reason or another and i can’t remember who they are or why they’re at my house. 

in order to keep things straight in my head i’ve started monitoring every last thing on that calendar… appointments made and cancelled, which nurse when, who pooped when (just madeline and molly thankfully…), where mommy and daddy are, what my name is…

i’ve had less than an adequate amount of sleep… part of that is nervousness (we started with night nursing when mad came home and i’m still a little wary about having a stranger sitting at the kitchen table when i go to sleep) and part of it is the following:  the farrell house recently became the ‘house of ick.’ (i will use ‘ick’ for boogers, snot, etc.)  let’s just say we’re full of it.  the girls sneeze and things fly.  we’ve gone through a bj’s size kleenex pack and i’m becoming fast friends with a eucalyptus nasal spray.  i was up with molly no less than 5 hours last night and 4 hours the night before.  did i mention i returned to work this week?  it’s been a challenge, but i think my brain is becoming rewired for less sleep and more action.  if only it could be rewired for more jogging and less chocolate.  oh well, one can dream.

we had a wonderful time at our march for babies this weekend on the cape cod canal.  it was a lovely day and we are so thankful to have such supportive family and friends.  there are a couple of pictures of the girls below (thanks kristen!)  ms. molly is clearly giving her attitude a bit of exercise in the picture, but she had a lot of fun!  madeline of course was enjoying the scenery and giving everyone a concert with her ‘la la la.’  thanks again to those who participated and donated.  we raised over $3,500!

micropreemie mommy is happy…